Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash

Okay, here's a beach story. It isn't your typical, boring beach story. It doesn't start with a bunch of guys eyeballing a gorgeous, young American lady sporting her tight, pink bikini. It has something to do with a lady, though. Two of them, matter of fact.

Two days ago, we—two friends of mine and I—decided to pack our bags in a hurry and head for the land of the free for a few days. It was our only opportunity to enjoy an "exotic" destination before our painful return to school. So when my friend asked me if I was down, I told him yeah, why not, even though I had just moved into my new apartment in Sherbrooke. Our plan was to hit Boston—but it wasn't really a plan, if you know what I mean.

1-5 hours of driving and three fast-foods later, we decided to make an abrupt turn and see what Hampton Beach had in store for us. Not much: we arrived at 9pm, without a booked reservation in any of the overpriced ocean-side hotels. Plus, I was the only one over 21 so there was no way we could legally get drunk enough to enjoy a night in the car. We ended up drinking Miller Light in a relatively cheap hotel 30 minutes away from the beach. I must admit, our first night was almost declared a failure.

The next day we drove early to the beach, bumping Nicki Minaj's Starships on repeat. Just kidding. Not really. Forget it. Hampton beach is a nice spot, but let's not fool ourselves here: it ain't all that. Expensive greasy food, American douchebags, fatties, overpriced goods... I wouldn't spend a month here for sure. Something I love about New Hampshire, though, is their motto, which must be one of the most badass in the whole country: Live Free Or Die. Now that's American pride at its finest, don't you think?

Anyway, after a siesta in the hot sand and a quick swim in the salty water, I told my companions I'd go looking for a snack. Sal's pizza looked unhealthy and delicious, so I bought two slices. All I needed was a place to sit and enjoy my Ninja Turtle lunch.

There were wooden benches across the main street, but most of them were taken. Damn. As I got closer, I saw this very wide bench on which only two old ladies were seated. One of them was talking very loudly, and nobody seemed interested in having a seat next to them. I didn't mind; I sat casually to their side.

Soon I realized why people kept away: the big lady had a mental disability. She expressed herself with difficulty; every word she pronounced was literally a yell. Still the older, small lady by her side addressed her calmly. I listened more carefully.

"Do you like your ice cream?" said the older one.

"Yes, I love it. I've been coming here ever since I was a little girl," replied the big lady.

Suddenly, she closed her eyes and let out a small cry of pain.

"What's the matter darling, did you get a brain freeze?"


"Well don't eat so fast! Take tiny bites and enjoy it while it lasts. You're just like our old dog, licking madly at your dessert."

"Dogs don't get brain freezes?"

"Of course they do! Remember how Rocky stood still after we gave him ice cream when we were little girls?"

"I've been coming here since I was a little girl!"

"Of course you have, darling, of course. I was right here with you, every summer... Every animal with a brain can get brain freeze, try to remember that, will you?"


"I was thinking we could ask Robert how the grill works and cook you some hot-dogs and hamburgers for diner, what do you think?"

"Yes! I like Robert, he's handsome..."

"Oh stop it, you fool. You won't get married with him, I already told you that."

The big lady chuckled and spilled some melted ice cream on the concrete. I laughed a bit. The older lady continued to explain her meal planning:

"Tomorrow, I was thinking we could grab some pizza by the beach. Yours look delicious, mister. Did you get it at Sal's?"

"Yes," I answered, slightly surprised.

"Ah, Sal's are the best! They now have franchises down in Florida too."

"Well, I didn't know that."

Both old ladies smiled at me. I smiled back. It was an inspiring sight to see, really. Those women didn't know it, but they were to become main characters in my unusual beach story. I thanked them silently.

"I've been coming here ever since I was a little girl!"

"Oh stop it, will you? Otherwise I'm gonna divorce you."


"I'm just kidding, darling. We'll always be sisters, you know that. Partners in crime."

The big lady flashed a smile and finished her liquid ice cream.